Tag Archives: humour

What I’ve been reading: Mitchell/Brookner

Read what I thought of them here: Librarium 2016


thedatinggame.com

cupidI have  been navigating around a dating site (it calls itself bigger than all the others put together) recently; purely for purposes of research, you understand. It has certainly been an eye opener. What was immediately obvious is that we, as singletons, seem to have little idea of exactly what our intended partners want  to read in prospective lovers’ profiles; what will make them prick up their ears.

Unfortunately, once you’ve specified which sex your love interest should be, you are only able to see the personal profiles of people in that demographic who have also said they want to meet people in the same demographic as you. Perhaps it would be helpful, when compiling your own profile, to see the competition, as it were. As I am looking at things from only one perspective here, I thought I’d give you “men looking for women” a few tips about posting your dating profile on the internet.

  • If you are looking for a princess, angel or damsel who needs rescuing (by yourself, the knight) you are seriously limiting your chances. Likewise, if you state you are seeking “that special someone/lady” you will have us all wondering why that woman is so sought after. It’s amazing how many of you only want to meet her.
  • Posting a picture of you with a protective arm on your flash car or astride your fast motorbike will have us thinking you are having a mid-life crisis.
  • love heartsStill with the pictures, when every picture is of you partaking in a series of extreme sports we’ll be starting to think whether you’d ever have time or energy left to sit still and converse with us. Or, for that matter, if we could ever hope to be exciting or exhilarating enough to keep your attention.
  • And more about pictures (I’m afraid I do have a bit of a thing about them) if your picture is so blurry we can barely see your face, you are giving the impression that you have no self-respect. If you have cropped out your previous partner (yes, we can still see her hair/dress/arm on your shoulder) or, worse, kept her in and put a blank square over her face we might think you are not taking this seriously. If you are taking a head shot with your own mobile phone it’s not really necessary to take it reflected-in-the-mirror; the quality will suffer and your phone is right there in the pic too! One picture of your dog is probably enough. If your portrait is mean and moody, we might start to question if you really are the caring, sensitive, fun-loving guy described in the text.
  • Absolutely every man on here is genuine and honest – how about trying out a few new descriptors?
  • If you say you have no hobbies or interests you are seriously restricting the possibility of any communication coming your way.
  • Embarking on a diatribe about previous time-wasters/players/women who weren’t “genuine” is extremely unattractive.
  • Just one more thing about pictures ……… nah, not really!superman
  • Try to have everything spelt correctly, with capital letters and punctuation where necessary. The overuse of LOL (or any use really) is a turn-off. First impressions really do count.
  • Describing yourself in terms of vehicles or buildings is weird! eg “One careless owner” “Roof requires rethatching” “Bodywork in good condition for year” “Brickwork sound”. We could start to worry that any kind of intimacy would be beyond you.
  • Wearing a football club shirt when you’re not playing football…why?

” But I must dash because I met a really lovely-sounding guy online and we’re going on a date!  His tagline was “Is it me your looking 4″ – dead romantic! He looked quite fit in his Chelsea shirt (I think…it was quite blurry) standing with his sports car (I suppose it was his…it could have been anybody’s LOL!) He said he’s looking for that special girl to make his life complete, and I really think I could be THE ONE! I would definitely never cheat on him like those others did. Anyway, we’re going out for a candlelit dinner somewhere quiet and we’ll see where it goes from there. He says he wants to meet someone who’s up for a laugh, and that’s me all over, LOLZ!! Wish me luck.”